< Sex Around The World: England 

• Sex Around The World: United Kingdom

• Amira Love as Sonia Nasar
• Ava Shannon as Amy
• Georgette Neale
• Karina Currie as Kat
• Rebekah Jordan
• Tori Kemp as Tory Kemp

Running time: 85 mins.

The Chinese philosopher and owner of my local take-away always tells me if something bad occurs, something equally as good will happen to keep everything in balance. After watching Sex Around The World: England, I should now have a number of brilliant movies to look forward to to counteract this film. Director Jon Yuma has gone down the old cliched route of inter cutting five scenes with images that Americans think typify the UK: red double deckers and the bobby on the beat.

In a strange, psychedelic whirl, the camera pan across the countryside. Two specks in the distance make their way across a field. Zooming in, we see Georgette and Steve Hooper lying down in the hay fondling each other. The couple head towards a castle. Climbing some spiral stairs, Georgette drops to her knees. Taking out Steve's shaft for a good sucking, the picture goes 'Arty Farty' and the caption 'Giggle Cam' flashes on the screen as the image blurs and bounces. Reaching the roof, there are more wobbly shots as Steve licks pussy. The camera veers off, giving a 360 degree view from the castle. Returning to the pair, Georgette has managed to manoeuvre Steve's manhood into her arse. Falling forward onto all fours for some doggy action, the image distorts, again refocusing just in time to see Georgette fill her face with spunk.

More weird colours for the start of the second scene which sees Amira Love in a conservatory full of orchids. Shawn enters from the garden. Amira throws her jacket and leopard print top to the floor as they kiss. Stripping to her black panties and placing the tip of Shawn's dick against her lips, the Giggle Cam once again ruins things. Shawn presses his face against Amira's shaven muff and tongues. The two sink onto a large rug on the floor for some anal action. Moving to a small table, the banging continues till Shawn drops his load into Amira's mouth.

By now it's clear that the film editor is playing with the colour contrast and balance at the start of each scene. Once it settles down, Tori stands on the balcony of her home with Stefan Hard beside her. He slips his hand under Tori's turquoise negligee to rub at her knickers. Bending forward, she unzips his pants and slips his cock into her mouth. Wonky vision starts up as, bent over a table, Tori is entered from behind. The two make for the garden where they fuck on a bench before Tori gives a blow job by the flowerpots.

Rebekah Jordan and Ian Tait have travelled to the White Cliffs of Dover for their scene but, thanks to the special effects, they are anything but white. In the wind and the rain, the two look freezing. A grope and a suck in the wet and they head for the hotel. Crouched over Ian, Rebekah bobs up and down on his cock then flops back to have her fanny fingered. Bouncing round the bed, the two bonk doggy, which rolls over into reverse cowgirl. Flicking back her long blonde hair, Rebekah opens her mouth for Ian's jizz. She lets it trickle over her chin.

With image overlaid on image, Karina and Ava explore each other's bodies in the garden. Relaxing on a chair, Karina peels down her black body stocking, letting Ava lap at her pussy. Swapping, Ava eases Karina's fingers into her fanny while she tongues her clit. The two lick and finger fuck as the picture spins and distorts. When it stops, both girls have climaxed.

This film goes to prove that even established producers and directors like Jill Kelly and Jon Yuma can make almost unwatchable films. To be fair, this is nothing to do with the girls who appeared, or their performances and is solely down to the diabolical presentation. I should have realised this wasn't a top quality production when the film titles rolled, calling the film 'Sex Around The World: United Kingdom' and not 'England' as it says on the cover. On reaching the end, the movie takes top spot in my 'Never Watch Again' pile. A fitting accolade to an awful film.

Review by Dawn "Hot Totty" Birtle