< Real Hardcore Auditions Reel 1 Vol 1  

• Linda [7]
• Sarah [31]
• Suzie Best

Review copy courtesy British Porn

The real amateurs behind this dreadful film appear to be the production team. Just about every basic mistake is made by the hapless cameraman and his crew. Lights are turned on and off through the scenes, poor camera angles give a great shot of the clock on the wall but miss the penetration completely and there's a blizzard of flash that would normally require an epileptic warning at the start of the programme. Corny audition scenarios, iffy cocksmen and just way too much talk. Why on earth should I want to watch the producer having a one-sided telephone conversation with 'the stud' when the guy who's going to do the fucking is already in the room? I'll never get back the hour or so I spent writing this review. You can save your time and your money.

In 'The Chav Slut', Sarah plays up to her billing as she chews gum while talking to Neil Wasmund about porno work. Her chavvy outfit is an overtight blue top, white skirt, hold-ups and no knickers, which all stay on as Neil auditions her on the black leather sofas in his office. Neil puts his big cock to good use, but the wobbly camerawork, variable lighting and constant flashes from the stills man ruin the lot. Facial.

Neil and the rest of the crew are sitting chatting in the office and boring the viewer rigid while they wait for Suzie Best - the Porn Star - to arrive (who they describe as a little nervous - Oh Yeah?). Suzie strips for Neil then they get on with very professional sex that belies the entire build. Ends with facial and Suzie leaves naked ... but there's still time for more inane chat from the guys.

Linda 'The Housewife' arrives in a dark suit to talk about doing porn but reminding us, over and over again, that she's never done this sort of thing before. Despite asking for a few days notice to get her head around posing, Linda is soon stripped to her stockings and suspenders. At this point two middle-aged guys arrive; bald Phil and Dave. They watch Linda as she continues to strip, then the guys undress and she takes both cocks in her mouth before fucking both the men. Unfortunately the camera spends too much time on the men's bodies with only occasional glimpses of Linda's pussy being stretched. Dave using a condom, gets first go, eventually pulling out and coming over Linda's bum; while Phil, who performs bareback, finishes the scene by licking Linda to a pretty authentic climax.

With a running time of less than ninety minutes the film is short. The girls perform well enough but there is too much dreadful chat along the lines of "do I get the job?" and "I hope my husband doesn't find out". Awful, simply awful.

Review by Bayleaf
March 2007