< Hot Cinders  

• Emma [20]
• Faye Rampton
• Jamie Brooks
• Lara Lee
• Samantha Bond

Quite frankly this is the best porn film I have ever seen and everyone who has ever bought a porn film should add this to their collection now! Anyone who has never, ever, watched a porn film should buy it too and help the producers meet their mortgage payments.

This is a proper feature with a coherent script, scene setting and enough humorous dialogue to help the plot along. But this doesn't get in the way of the action, which is still 80% fucking.

Lara Lee, in her first boy/girl film, is Cinders, left at home when her sisters, Sam Bond and Jamie Brooks, are invited to the opening of a new nightclub. Alone in the kitchen, Lara dildos herself to climax while fantasising about getting fucked.

At Dandini's, the nightclub, Sam and Jamie have pulled a couple of bouncers (one of whom is Jayce Xavieri) and fuck them in the corner of the club. Meanwhile there's a shock in store back home when Cinders' Fairy Godmother (Emma) appears, providing the disco gear and limo for her to go to the ball ... err club.

At the club Cinders meets the owner Dan Dini (Paul Back), but before they can get acquainted Dan discovers the Fairy Godmother in the club toilets looking for action, so the pair fuck over the basins and on the floor.

Left alone with Dan's bisexual PA, Faye Rampton, the girls undress each other, kissing and fondling until an empty bottle on the table finds its way into Faye's pussy. At the end of the scene, Cinders realises the time and flees from the club leaving her basque top on the floor. Dan, smitten by the enigmatic Cinders, finds the basque and swears to find its owner.

Next day Dan arrives at Cinders' house accompanied by two new bouncers (Dougie Loads and Paul Mycock) where both sisters try to accommodate their large breasts in the small basque. Although the sisters try to hide her, Cinders appears and the basque fits her, so Dan takes her to the bedroom immediately for a fine fucking. But it's not all bad news for the sisters as they grab a bouncer each and fuck in the lounge.

This is the first feature for Nectas Films, the team behind the UK Nymphos website and its spin-off DVD 'The Office'. At a time when most Britporn producers stick to unremitting gonzo or loosely linked scenes it's good to see a UK producer taking a chance. And if it's successful the company plans more releases in 2006.

Review by Bayleaf
December 2005

An alternative view from Bill Malone (August 2006):

I was rather looking forward to seeing Hot Cinders based on Bayleaf's review (he's never wronged me yet and I figured we had similar tastes in films), but I was really disappointed by this title. I admit many of my niggles with the film were technical, but seeing as these films should be made by people who are, at the very least, filmmakers first, pornography filmmakers second, I was expecting something along the lines of a Private production, ie. a bit of cash thrown at it, an attempt at a Hollywood-style look or decent camera moves etc. Instead I find a number of glaring unprofessionalisms; after the DVD menu, there were no opening or closing credits (the film just starts and after the final scene, it stops dead); there's no ambient music, which would normally be good as music mid-sex scene can be very annoying, but since this is a porno version of Cinderella, some kind of ambient music could have made the non-sex scenes look much less amateur and set a tone or atmosphere; we're meant to swallow that the luscious heroine in her early twenties lusts after a fat, bald performer in his late forties who has an unfortunate multicoloured scrotum; rather than casting someone and then pantomiming them up a bit, two of the characters (the ugly sisters) were only ugly in that they struck the cliched female porn star look directly on the head with their bleached blonde hair, poorly done light-bulb shaped boob jobs, pumped up lips, tattoos and piercing (if THAT'S why they were cast as ugly, then the ironic thinking behind this casting isn't shown anywhere else - Elle Brooke as Cinder-Elle for example?); and yet again I find I can't hear a bloody word anyone is saying because the only microphone being used is the one rooted to the top of the camera, several meters away from the actors - the whirring of the camera is louder than the dialogue. When a budget Sennheiser boom mic cost about £30 and better ones can be rented from most production houses in Soho, this smacks of not caring. Also no overlaps of sound and picture suggest a very unimaginative editor; piss poor continuity starts to creep in as three men stroll up to a blue, inward opening front door in the broad daylight to ring the doorbell, only to cut to the inside of a house with a differently-shaped, brown, wooden, OUTWARDLY opening door with completely different windows and PITCH BLACK NIGHT TIME behind the men (getting day and night muddled mid-scene is Ed Wood Jnr. territory). There was very little to suggest "the best porno I've ever seen" from the Bayleaf review, unless that reviewer hasn't seen many adult films (not the case!) or any professionally made movies in general.

It also pained me to see they had included outtakes on the extras menu - lord only knows why they would want to admit to even more mishaps on set when so much of the crew's unprofessionalism can quite easily be seen in the finished film.

You don't need a Private-style budget to make a good film - whether it features hardcore sex or not. Lighting that actually shows the camera what's going on, decent sound and someone wearing headphones to monitor it and an editor that can polish a turd instead of getting your mates to do it (which is the impression I got here) would be a terrific start and isn't so tough if you spend a bit of cash on the crew instead of just the cast. If you're going to include a plot, no matter how tenuous it is as a link to lots of sex scenes, then at least try and film it in a way that doesn't look like you've been forced to include it reluctantly; I'd have preferred just the sex. Which, in all honesty, wasn't so hot either. Repeated close ups of the men's bumholes during the sex scenes is enough to put this reviewer off even the most erotic moment, whether the fat, balding man involved has a globe-patterned scrotum or not. But when the camera COULD be looking at Lara Lee flicking away at her clit as she's being fucked by said feller, as it momentarily does, you start to wonder if these awful cutaways have been inserted purely to annoy the viewer who, male or female, would much rather be looking at a pretty girl masturbating than an ugly man's ring piece. If the editor was thinking about what he/she was making, he/she'd have considered this.

There's so much wrong with this film technically, that it seems to give the impression to anyone watching that, so long as you have the performer's contacts, a DV camcorder and a mate who can potentially edit it on his PC, that you can enter the industry as fully fledged pornographers. Encouraging people into the industry is a great thing, but without a bit of positive critique, every film that gets made is going to resemble this "ah, that'll do"-type effort. If this was a Hollywood film with the same problems, punters buying it would kick up a fuss and demand money back, yet because it's only a porno, suddenly it's OK that it's badly made. I'd love for the makers of this film to dare me to try and do it better, because given that cast, budget and resources, I know I could. It's fired me up to write this review in the hope that, in the future, the makers of this or any other film that promises (on the back cover) to be "woven together with a great plot and humour" actually take the time to include one next time.