< Cold Desire 

• Donna Warner
• Melanie Bishop

The morons who did the art work for this movie used the character names for the credits. However, the on-screen credits include 'Starring Jenny Page' and 'Donna Warner'.

Jenny Page is, of course, Melanie Bishop and she plays a marine biologist in Stockholm who is sent to one of the islands in the Stockholm archipelago to monitor Chernobyl radiation (a bit late to do that in 1996 - they say it's 1996 but speak as if Chernobyl had just happened). We see her in the lab receiving her instructions. Then she goes home and talks to her housemate Donna Warner about what Donna had got up to the night before. We see Melanie nude in the shower and there is a very brief and mild lesbian clinch.

Flashback to the night before and a scene with Donna Warner, another girl, two male bikers and lots of dry ice. Donna dances in front of the two men and a sex scene develops including a DP and facial for Donna.

Melanie then goes to the island and goes about her work. A male colleague is also about. However, the phone lines are cut and she is attacked, from behind, by a man who steals her mobile phone. She cowers on her bed for the rest of the night. In the morning she is walking round her island when a man grabs her arm. She recoils in fright but he writes her a note saying he is dumb (so he can't be the man who attacked her from behind she thinks) and has come from an adjoining island. She can go there with him to stay. While walking across the first island, however, they find the dead body of her male colleague. At the dumb chap's house they end up making love by the fire (lit only by the fire-light) but hard core 69 and fucking.

Next day he goes off about his business and she reads an erotic story on his laptop - lesbian scene of two girls in a bath, one blonde and one brunette (might be Betty) both speaking some East European language.

The dumb chap returns and has sex with Melanie on the desk and on the bed, cumming over her tits. A bit better lit this time.

Melanie finds her mobile phone in a kitchen drawer and realises she has been conned; so she prepares him a meal and poisons his food and drags him into the sea. She is found not guilty at her trial for his murder having acted in self defence.

One year later Donna rings up Melanie from a disco and says she has met someone who knows her - it is the 'dumb' chap who speaks to Melanie on the phone. Melanie dashes off in a rage.

Meanwhile at the disco Donna is busy getting an orgy going on a stage, beginning with a lesbian show and then getting a bloke involved, then something of a free for all. Realistic disco lighting mostly.

Donna leaves with the 'dumb' chap and Melanie is waiting outside and follows them. She enters their apartment, finds he is taking a bath behind a shower curtain and drops an appliance of some kind into it and electrocutes him.

At least that's as much sense as I could make of the plot.

Melanie and Donna give good performances, both in the sex and the acting departments, but why do people bother to make porn films like this? Three of the sex scenes do nothing to advance the plot. It fails as a thriller and, because it is trying to be realistic, the non-gratuitous sex scenes fail as porn because they are badly lit. I'm all in favour of porn having a story line, but it either needs to be Carry-On style, a story about sex like Emmanuelle, or a series of erotic vignettes which create situations. Trying to crowbar sex scenes into some other type of story ends up satisfying nobody, except perhaps those who want to pretend they are not watching porn.