Steve Pervin is the Pussy Hunter. With a cod Australian accent and too much enthusiasm for his own good, bespectacled Steve introduces us to cans of Wankstar XXXX lager which, he claims, have magical effects on women, which is why it's available as a spray. This introductory scene takes place in a car spares showroom where Steve introduces his other compulsive trait, measuring everything. A 27 inch alloy wheel soon has him gawping and gasping. Finally Steve is allowed to drive away in one of the garages hot rods, but leaves it just out of shot because ...
... he hooks up with Demetri for a little late night pussy hunting in Soho. Once again we get an introduction to camera as if the previous 5 minutes didn't exist. They find Jane Darling and one squirt from Steve's aerosol is all it takes to get Jane back to the flat for sex. We have some inane measuring of Jane's superb parts, which are encased in black leather basque, miniskirt and patterned tights.
When eventually Steve steps away, Demetri gets Jane to himself and he removes her basque and licks her pussy. Once Demetri is undressed he gets his cock sucked then fucks Jane missionary on the black leather sofa. Good deep sex in doggie and cowgirl with Jane's suspender tights on throughout. Scene ends with decent facial.
Tall and Naughty at the Coast
In the second scene Steve is at a marina with Paul Mycock. They find Angel-Long sitting on a bench and one spray of Steve's love potion leads Steve to surmise they must get Angel back to the house immediately before she blows. Once again Steve gets his flexible ruler out to measure Angel's parts, then Steve withdraws to allow Paul to fuck her on the brass bed. Angel keeps her frilly top, shoes and crotchless knickers on as she's fucked in all positions including anal. Finally she wanks Phil into her mouth.
Apple Pie Anyone?
Demetri and Steve are back on the night-time pull in Soho where they pick up the delightful Sharka Blue. Lots of fun and giggles on the bed as the boys measure Sharka up, then it's over to Demetri to do the deed. Sporty Sharka removes her shorts but keeps her little white t-shirt on while she's fucked doggy and missionary. Returning to doggy, Demetri pushes a large red apple into her mouth (hence the title). The apple is soon replaced by Demetri's cock for a facial.
Cold as Ice
Another nightime foray into Soho yields Helena, who is bundled into the Humvee and back to the flat for a once over with the flexible rule as she lays on the kitchen worksurfaces. Demetri removes Helena's bra and t-shirt while rubbing ice cubes over her nipples and clit. The pair move to the lounge for the actual fucking as Demetri eases Helena's pants aside and his cock in while she bends over the sofa. More fucking in missionary and doggy before a decent facial.
Destiny Deville is the delight in question who the guys meet on some medieval ruins at dusk. For no reason in particular Destiny is sitting on a castle wall in a red sari when Steve and Paul approach and smother her in magic spray. Back at the house they strip Destiny to her white underwear before measuring her. Paul removes the rest of Destiny's clothes before licking and fingering her pussy and bum on the sofa. Sex starts in cowgirl and includes doggy and missionary where Paul pulls out to deliver a magnificent load over Destiny's bald pussy.
Wankstar production values are the best in British Porn. Excellent cinematography and sound with first class editing and post-production. Which only added to the keen disappointment I felt with this film. I'm sure the original idea of a Steve Irwin spoof sounded great in the pub, but the translation into irritating git on the screen is dreadful. The film is just five (top class) stand-alone fuck scenes stitched together. Steve continually babbles to camera and his 'cock-jockeys', but if, as he appears to acknowledge, they're watching for a wank why oh why is there so much of his stuff to fast forward through? Fortunately at 140 minutes long there's still time for plenty of action with all the girls giving great performances. Worth the money for these scenes alone.
I'm sure the Wankstar team will come up with a great British porn film sooner or later, but this ain't it.
Review by Bayleaf